A Guide to Role-Playing

You don’t have to be a movie star or perform in theatre to showcase your acting skills and assume different personas. A fun and exciting way to act like someone else and play out various scenarios is through role-playing in the bedroom.

What Is Role-Playing?

Role-playing is exactly what it sounds like – you play a role and pretend to be someone you’re not in particular circumstances. In a sexual context, role-play is something you do as foreplay for sex or even a part of the act itself. 

Many popular role-playing scenarios include some form of power dynamic and involve authority figures, for example:

• Boss and subordinate
• Police officer and suspect
• Fireman and victim of fire
• Doctor and patient 
• Professor and student 
• Celebrity and fan
• Customer and waiter 
• Royalty and servant

There’s something special and extra hot about pretending to be either the dominant or a submissive character in role-playing. Despite that, many also enjoy the regular “two strangers met somewhere” scenario with common tropes being customers at a coffee shop, competitive interns, someone who met at a bar on a random night, etc. 

Why Do People Enjoy Role-Playing?

When role-playing, individuals can explore their fantasies, pretend to be someone they’re not, and live out as a completely different person, even if it’s only for a few hours, and take a much-needed break from the daily routine and familiar intimacy patterns. 

Sometimes plain sex is not cutting it, and that’s when you can try something extra. Some kinks are a bit extreme for people or require getting used to the idea of implementing them. Role-playing, however, is not like that. It’s a relatively innocent kink (unless you play out hardcore taboo scenarios) that is also very accessible. 

You don’t need tools, equipment, or space to try it. You can do it anywhere and everywhere, and the sky’s the limit. Or maybe not the sky but your fantasy. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it tickles your creativity, and it helps you communicate better with your lover. 

Creating and executing a scenario is not that easy, and partners need to be emotionally close and on the same page overall to execute it. That’s why it’s a good indicator if you can role-play and have a blast with someone, and it’s an excellent exercise to try every once in a while. 

Role-Playing Safety and Consent Tips

When it comes to safety and consent tips, role-playing is fairly simple, so you don’t need anything extra besides the basics.

Boundaries

Talk about what you and the partner(s) are okay with, what’s off-limits, and what you’d like to get during the experience. Don’t skip that step as it not only ensures the experience is fun for everyone but also helps you and your lover(s) understand what you really like and what is not for you. 

Too often we neglect our own interests when it comes to sexuality, and it’s only harming the quality of our sex life. If you dedicate at least a bit of time to figuring out the boundaries for role-playing or sex in general, you’ll have a much better and more thrilling sex life moving forward. You’ll have more knowledge and insight, and it will be that much easier to advocate for yourself. 

Consent 

Consent is everything! Make sure you only join activities that you fully agree with and are ready for, and likewise, check that others are actively willing to try out the scenarios you’re about to bring to life.

A simple Yes is not enough though. Ideally, everyone needs to be enthusiastic and positive about something, and verbally repeat everything they’re signing up for. 

So, for example, “Yes, I can’t wait for the weekend. So looking forward to trying this new idea you had and being your math professor at Stanford. You’re so getting punished for missing the deadline on the assignment!”. 

Same as with boundaries, you need to get and give consent. It will only make the experience better and safer for all parties involved. 

Also, don’t forget that we all have a right to change our minds at any point. Yes, even if you’ve already started. Yes, if you’ve already paid for and shipped the elaborate costumes and accessories for the scenario you planned. Basically, nobody owes anything to anyone, and you guys need to be cool with this idea. Otherwise, it’s best if you don’t role-play at all. 

Safe word

Technically, you don’t need a safe word, you can just ask someone to pause or stop completely. However, you can come up with a safe word that will be used in emergency situations or if someone is not feeling comfortable anymore and is too shy to say anything. 

Think of something that’s an inside joke that can be your safe word to make sure you remember it and to have a positive association. 

Getting Started with Role-Playing

Now you know what role-playing is, the types of scenarios people like, understand the benefits of it, and you’re even familiar with safety and consent. 

What’s next? Getting down to it of course! 

Exploring role-playing ethically is fun, thrilling, and very arousing. Here is a quick step-by-step beginner’s guide to role-playing.

1. Talk to your partner, pitch the idea, and see if they like the idea in theory. 
2. Once you get a confirmation that they’re open to trying it, discuss boundaries and get full consent. 
3. Think of possible scenarios for characters you’d both be interested in playing. 
4. Prepare costumes, scout locations, and think of additional props you might need. 
5. Start slow. You don’t have to live through the fantasy right away. It’s okay to start small and, for example, address each other as characters for a little tease and flirt. You can call your partner boss, and they can call you an assistant or a specific professional title that applies to your fantasy. 
6. Always be flexible. Something might not go as planned, something might not be as hot in reality as you envisioned it. Also, your partner may get too excited and spontaneously change something. Unless it’s against your beliefs and boundaries, it would help if you remain open-minded and ready to work with changes. Adapting so you both feel amazing is an important skill in role-playing. 
7. Aftercare. Once you’re done, you get some rest, drink a glass of water, and do a little debrief session. Make sure everyone is happy with how things went and don’t feel weird or bad about it. Brainstorm what could be changed for next time and if there is something that could be done better (not just the act itself, but also things like communication). This will ensure the fantasy doesn’t turn into a nightmare for one of you. 

Ethical and Social Considerations for Role-Playing

If you’re going to try role-playing, or maybe you’ve done it before already, you need to keep the basic rules in mind. 

Make sure everyone explicitly consents to the games you’re about to play, there are ground rules and boundaries set up, and you have a place to live out the fantasies privately and hazard-free. 

Also, an important aspect of ethical role-playing is being careful with and respectful of sensitive topics. Exploring taboos in a safe environment through sexual role-play is something many people like to do, but you need to be aware of the implications it has. Try to refrain from role-playing something that is too intense, hard-core, or super illegal in real life. 

Finally, regardless of whether it was discussed or not (and it’s always better to go through this, even though it seems self-explanatory), you need to respect the privacy of everyone involved. This means no recording them without their knowledge or sharing the intimate details of your arrangement with others. 

FAQ