A Guide to Voyeurism

What associations do you have when you hear the word voyeurism? Perhaps a nice voyage to the south of France? If that’s your first thought, then you’re up for a big surprise. 

What Is Voyeurism?

Voyeurism is one of the many sex kinks that is all about watching others engage in sexual activities. 

Those engaged in sex or foreplay must have no idea they are being watched for it to be voyeurism though. 

This important nuance divides the kink community and makes voyeurism sort of frowned upon unless it’s fully consensual. People who are having sex might not know that they are being watched right this second, but they should be okay with this in general. Then this kink stops being creepy and becomes ethical. 

Why Do People Enjoy Voyeurism?

Voyeurism is very popular because human beings like to watch in general. Whether it’s strangers having sex, someone arguing on the street, a fire breaking out in a building, or a car accident, – there are always spectators gluing their eyes to the scene, unable to look away. 

We’d argue that this is the main reason why vloggers on YouTube took off. Being able to watch someone walk around their apartment and do everyday things feels like spying in a way, which makes it more thrilling and interesting.

When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, you get to see something that is usually happening behind closed doors, something you’d have no access to. It is exciting, and your body usually reacts with a faster heartbeat, breathing, and arousal. It’s like watching an erotic movie but in real life. 

Lastly, some people enjoy the power dynamic it creates. The couple having sex doesn’t know you’re here viewing them from afar which puts you in a more powerful position. Some find it attractive and hot, and voyeurism lets them feel that special type of excitement. 

Safety and Consent Tips for Voyeurism

Without consent and safety for everyone involved, voyeurism becomes simply stalking and a violation of privacy. 

Even though the core premise of this kink is that you’re watching someone without their knowledge, there are still ways to make it safe and consensual for everyone involved. 

Here are the main voyeurism safety and consent tips for you to watch out for:

1. Explicit consent is a must. Everyone who’s going to participate in the kink should give verbal and enthusiastic consent, ideally outlining the activities and events that they consent to. This needs to be done before the activity starts because someone might feel the pressure to agree later not to spoil the fun, and end up feeling miserable afterward.
2. Discuss boundaries. Talk through what each of you is okay or not okay with, and share expectations and comfort levels to ensure everyone has a good time.
3. Prioritize confidentiality. Build trust and respect by putting confidentiality on a pedestal. You shouldn’t invite someone the rest of the group doesn’t know about or share intimate details of the experience.

Last but not least, actively avoid non-consensual voyeurism. It’s not your fault if you accidentally spot someone engaging in sexual activities, but it’s completely up to you to look away. Remember that spying on someone like that is unethical, rude, and illegal in many places. We know it can be tempting to stay and watch, but please use all your willpower to leave them alone.

Ethical and Social Considerations for Voyeurism

Voyeurism can be problematic, but it doesn’t have to be. 

You can enjoy this kink without any negative consequences or risks if you make sure it’s always consensual, all parties feel comfortable with it happening, and you’re not recording them or sharing what you saw verbally with others later on.

However, even if you follow all the rules and make sure you’re not putting anyone at risk or making them uncomfortable, if you talk about voyeurism with someone, you’ll likely get a negative reaction. There is a lot of criticism and stigma surrounding this kink and for a good reason. It’s been misused and abused far too many times, leaving a bad taste in many people’s mouths. 

Still, if you engage in it responsively and challenge the current perspective, you’ll be able to create a better impression of this practice in the eyes of others. Yet, the main contribution you can make is to simply be ethical about it and follow the rules. It doesn’t spoil all the fun, trust us. 

Getting Started with Voyeurism

So, are you ready and willing to try some good old voyeurism? Great! 

Make sure you start with the basics. If you have a partner, discuss your boundaries and preferences with them, if you’re single for now – think of those topics and be prepared to share them with future partners. 

Sign up with Flure to find adventurous singles who’d be interested in participating in this kink, or ask around. It’s not your normal thing to ask friends about, so be prepared to have a few eyebrows raised when you pose the question. 

Next, decide on the times and places when you could “catch” someone having sex and watch them from afar. The exact arrangements here depend on each group of people but overall you can agree that they’ll be having sex and foreplay at certain times and you’ll either be watching them or not, so the thrill is there. Or you can simply agree that if they ever have sex, engage in foreplay, or make out, you can watch them if and when you get a chance and vice versa. 

If you’ve never done something like this before and you’re feeling shy, start with baby steps:

• Watch someone getting undressed 
• Make out with the lights on 
• Try something spicy at a club where others can see you

So, basically, lean into voyeurism, and make small but gradual progress until you’re ready to go full-throttle. 

Advanced Techniques or Variations of Voyeurism

This is a beginner’s guide to voyeurism, but if you’re up for something more advanced and extreme, you can try:

1. Public privacy, when you’re having sex or foreplay in public spaces but in discrete locations. For example, this can be a hotel balcony, a changing cabin on the beach, or a big fat bush in the park. The chance of being watched and caught is low, but it’s not zero. 
2. Live-stream it, baby. Private cam shows and entire platforms allow sex-positive people to express themselves. If you’re up for being watched by many eyeballs without any control of who they are, you might opt for streaming your sexual adventures. Just make sure you’re protecting your identity and not letting someone spot and recognize you. There’s nothing wrong with that, but someone might try and blackmail you, and we don’t want that. 
3. Sensory deprivation and voyeurism – better together. If you’d like to spice things up, use blindfolds, masks, or earplugs on one of the partners to disorient them and add to the suspense. 

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